He was a master manipulator. When I look back at the 18 years together, I can clearly see how brilliant he was at manipulating me and my family. He was like Mozart, but with manipulation, instead of brilliant music. Every move he made and every word he spoke was carefully orchestrated.
His words were charming, kind and respectful as he deliberately broke my heart and crushed my spirit, time and time again. I was clueless to the true meaning of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
His behavior made no logical sense, in my mind. When things were going well in our marriage, it seemed as though he would intentionally sabotage the relationship, sending me into yet another pit of despair, confusion and heartbreak.
Early into our marriage, while visiting Florida, over coffee one morning, his sister, a Clinical Psychologist in New York, referenced her brother as a narcissist. I was taken back by her comment, but did not really understand the magnitude of what she was saying at that time.
We were married 16 years before I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependency. I was constantly trying to meet his needs and become a better wife, by educating myself with videos and books. As a Christian, the last thing that I wanted was another divorce.
I kept thinking that if I were kinder, more patient, prettier, more fit that he would stop chasing other women. Forgiveness was my middle name and he would throw the word forgiveness in my face every chance that he had. He used my faith as a tool to manipulate me.
The gaslighting was intense throughout the marriage and by the time I realized what was actually going on, my brain was literally mush. Towards the end of the marriage when I recognized his gaslighting techniques, I began calling him out, which ruffled his feathers, but by that time, I did not care. I had had enough!
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group 