The first step to healing is forgiveness…I know, it’s hard, especially in the beginning. I have been away from my narc for 9 months now and I am a new woman. I still have my days when I miss being married, but I do not miss him, nor the mind games. With him it was 100% stimulation 24/7. By the time I finally mustered up enough strength the leave, my brain was literally mush.
Nine months later, my mind is as sharp as a tack and I have more energy that I have had in over a decade. I am no longer angry with him and I have pure joy in my heart. Along with my joy, I have fear. Fear of the unknown. Our world is in a state of confusion and as a single woman, I would be lying if I said that I was not concerned. I’m concerned about my safety, I’m concerned about my finances, I’m concerned about my living conditions; do I buy, do I rent? Sigh…I have no clue what to do. So…I WAIT for direction from the Lord.
My faith in God brought me out of the abusive relationship and my faith has guided me as I have navigated through these unfamiliar territories. I have no doubt in my mind that God is leading me.
During my healing journey, I made the decision to start taking better care of myself. I made a commitment to a 100 day exercise challenge, which I do at home using an app called Beach Bodies. I installed it on my TV and I do my best to exercise 5 days a week.
According to the Dana Foundation, when you exercise, your body releases dopamine and endorphins in your brain that make you feel happy. Not only is your brain dumping out feel-good chemicals, but exercise also helps your brain get rid of chemicals that make you feel stressed and anxious. People who exercise tend to be happier and less stressed than those who don’t exercise. Regular exercise can also help you control your emotions when you do feel angry or upset.
I desperately wanted a support group that I could attend, to be with like minded people who could truly understand what I was going through, but there were none in my area, so I started one. I started the group approximately 5 months ago and it has been extremely helpful to me and the other women in the group. I love the women in our group and feel like they are family to me. The support group is for women only and we meet every Friday at 3:30pm.
Early on in my healing, I learned about the power of positive thinking and the effect that it has on our brain. When we are in a toxic environment/relationship, it causes brain damage. To learn more about the damage that it causes to the brain, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Caroline Leaf who is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist with a Masters and PhD in Communication Pathology and a BSc Logopaedics, specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology. She is truly amazing and has a YouTube channel that you can follow, along with an app.
To keep my mind thinking positively, every morning before I get out of bed, I listen to Joel Osteen‘s podcast on TuneIn, a free app that I have downloaded onto my phone. I refer to him as the “feel good pastor”. He is not overly religious for those of you who have a love/hate relationship with God. He delivers a positive message on a daily basis that anyone can apply to their life.
Not only is positive thinking critical to our healing, but positive speaking is equally as important. STOP focusing on the narcissist in your life and start focusing of healing yourself. What comes out of our mouth, goes into our mind, heart and soul. It is time to speak kind words to yourself and to stop focusing on your faults. None of us are perfect, therefore, stop beating yourself up! You are uniquely and beautifully made in the image of God. Period.
While I enjoy my cup of coffee in the morning, I journal. Eleven minutes of journaling has been proven to have a positive impact on our minds (which controls our brains), body and soul.
Narcissists can be extremely unpredictable and dangerous. Purchasing a handgun is a wise idea (in my mind) and will give you a sense of security. It is critical to take lessons from a professional and learn how to properly handle your gun. Using a gun is not like riding a bicycle, you must continue to practice using your firearm in a safe and controlled environment.
Taking a self defense or martial arts class is another way to feel empowered as a woman. In fact, in our support group we are starting our own self defense class. One of the girls in our group is a sensei and will be leading our self defense classes starting soon.
Spend time outdoors. Take a walk down the beach, spend time feeding ducks in a nearby lake or pond, take a walk through a state park, plant a garden, if you don’t have a yard, invest in grow bags and grow plants/herbs on your porch/lanai, gaze at the stars, take a walk through the woods, take a bike ride or a walk around your neighborhood. Sun exposure improves brain function, it eases depression, lowers blood pressure, improves bone health, it enhances the immune system and it improves your sleep quality.
My last recommendation for healing ourselves is to help others. Helping others not only helps us emotionally, but also physically. When we bless others, God blesses us! Here are a few samples on how to pay it forward:
- Call a loved one whom you haven’t spoken to in a long time
- Make dinner for someone in need
- Take a friend out for a cup of coffee
- Spend time with an elderly friend or family member
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen or nursing home
- Practice patience towards others
- Be compassionate towards other, you have no idea what they are dealing with
- Babysit for a mom in need
- Be an encourager, not a complainer
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group 